What I Once Was
by Moonygirl'04
Summary: Kurama's mother's death has left him devastated. In a fit of depression he leaves Japan and the Spirit World to travel to America...to forget. What he hadn't counted on was finding her...Kurama/OC
1. Chapter 1

Ok, this is my first YYH fanfiction so please take it easy on me. I actually wrote this story at the request of my best friend earlier in the year. It's Kurama and an Original Character. Please don't flame! I don't own YYH or any of its characters and plots.

What I Once Was

Chapter 1: In Which Kurama decides to forfeit his demon powers and Val gives up men…

The forest was dark and the sky, darker, as Kurama made his way through the thick growth of trees and vegetation. He pushed against the bushes, seemingly oblivious to the thorns that dug into his flesh. It didn't matter anymore…the pain of his flesh…it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart. He had lost her…the only woman he had ever loved. Even in his demon form, Youko, he was powerless against this faceless evil. His mother had died…died from pneumonia. Kurama closed his eyes tightly, repressing the tears that sprang suddenly to his lids. "Why…" he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion and heartbreak. "WHY!!!" he screamed into the darkness, his arms raised helplessly.

"Always so dramatic Kurama…" A voice echoed from the shadows. Kurama clenched his hands into fists at his side.

"Not now Hiei…" he growled threateningly. He turned towards a deep darkness with two red eyes peering at him.

"You know I can never miss such a theatric performance as this one." Hiei replied sarcastically, stepping out into the weak light the small, crescent moon cast over the forest canopy.

"I am not in the mood. Please, just go away…" Kurama sobbed, bending over, half in humiliation, half in emotional torment. Hiei glanced over Kurama's form scathingly.

"Aw…does the little baby miss his Mama? Well, that's just too bad now isn't it? After all…she is dead." Hiei barely had time to smirk before Kurama's fist collided with his jaw.

"SHUT UP!!!" Kurama screamed, throwing his fists frantically. Hiei dodged and flitted away from Kurama's futile attacks.

"Is that the best you can do? Some demon you are…you can't save anybody…not even your own mother…" Hiei laughed. "You're no better than a pathetic human. You're worthless Kurama…just like your mother." Hiei laughed once more before disappearing into the darkness, leaving Kurama shaking in anger behind.

"No…I am worthless…I'm a demon and I couldn't save her…why? Why couldn't I SAVE HER?" he sobbed desperately. This time nothing answered him, no birds chirped, no animals called; just dead silence. As dead as Kurama felt his heart was. He wrapped his arms around his chest, trying to hold together the breaking pieces of his soul, trying to hold himself together before he exploded all over the forest.

"I am nothing." He whispered his voice breaking. "I…will never help…anyone again. I will never become Youko…ever…again." His vow echoed through the trees eerily.

He stood from his bent over position and straightened his shirt out, emptying his mind of all thoughts of his mother, chilling his heart to the point of it becoming frozen beneath his warm chest. And so he did. He froze himself to the world. His resolve set he began to formulate his plan. "America…that's where I need to go…I can escape this world there." Kurama nodded once to himself before running back through the forest, ignoring the thorns that tore at him once more.

Meanwhile in America

"I cannot believe he did this to me!" Val screamed, her face tinged red with anger. Melissa sat beside her, patting her shoulder. "On our WEDDING DAY!" Val stood and began pacing, her white gown rustling with each movement, gesturing wildly with her hands.

"It's not just his fault; it takes two to tango after all…" Melissa ventured maturely. "Ashley was at fault as well."

"But Ashley wasn't engaged…Josh is! Was…MEN!!! They are all the same!" Melissa folded her hands in her lap, staring at the forest green material that comprised of the bridesmaid gowns.

"So…are you going to forgive him? Your entire family is out there…and his…This is a really big decision…"

Val stopped pacing and glanced at her hand where the sun glinted off the diamond engagement ring Josh had given her a year ago. She could almost smile at the memory now. He had been so cute when he had asked her to marry him.

Flashback*

They were dining in a nice Italian restaurant, testing a variety platter before making their decision. Josh had insisted they try a fancy restaurant at least once, while Val had been disappointed by his selection. "I would have been perfectly fine with Taco Bell, seriously…"

"We can have Taco Bell any day, this is a special day!"

"What's so special about it? It's been cloudy all day; work was more boring than usual…the only good part about it was spending time with you."

Josh smiled and pulled her hand into his. "You make my every day special. Without you I'm like a man drowning, a lame horse, a crippled bird…"

"Did you just make that up or am I dating a closet poet?" Val laughed.

"I saw it in a movie once…" Josh admitted sheepishly. "But that doesn't make it any less true, does it?"

"I suppose not…you can keep going if you want…" Val leaned toward him invitingly.

"I actually have a point to all this poetry. You see…I was working up my taxes today and I realized…it was the most boring thing I'd ever done."

Val blinked in surprise and shot a glare at Josh. "I am NOT doing your taxes you a-hole." Val tried to pull her hand back but Josh kept it grasped firmly in his palm.

"I don't want you to do my taxes…I want you to do our taxes…well…with me helping you of course…"

"Our taxes? We can't combine taxes, we'd have to be…wait…are you…proposing? Over taxes?" Josh released her hand and pulled a velvet Tiffany's box from his pocket and kneeled beside Val's chair.

"Valentine Rose…Would you be my tax partner?" he asked, that crooked grin she loved so much splitting his face.

"YES!!!" she exclaimed happily, throwing her arms around his neck.

End of flashback*

She clenched her fist at the memory and growled deeply in her throat. I should have known this would happen…He did propose over taxes…how retarded is that?"

The double doors that led to the inside of the church creaked open and a brown head popped through. "Val? Are you okay? Everyone is waiting…Josh is ready." Beth informed slipping through the door.

Val sat down and covered her eyes with her hands. "I don't know…I don't think I can ever trust him again after what he did with Nicole. It will always be in the back of my mind…Always…" A sob escaped her lips and reverberated through the lobby. Beth and Melissa immediately flocked to her side, trying to comfort her but not knowing what to say.

"You can say no…you can call off this wedding." Beth offered. "There's still time to back out." Val lifted her tear-stained face and smirked.

"You know what? I think I will back out." She laughed. Melissa shot Beth a worried look.

"Are you okay?" Melissa ventured cautiously.

"I am fantastic." Val stood and tore the veil from her carefully made up hair and threw it down before racing towards the double doors and slinging them open. The wedding march started up but quickly diminished as Val raced up the aisle, her gown gathered in her fists. Josh's smug grin rapidly evolved into a grimace as Val's fist met his widened eye. "How could you possibly think it would be a good idea to cheat on me the night before our wedding?" A collective gasp sounded behind her, followed by murmuring.

"Val!" he exclaimed, his eyes darting nervously around the auditorium. "Can we talk about this somewhere more…appropriate?"

"This is my WEDDING day Josh!!! How do you think I felt about finding out you cheated on me today of all days?" Val planted her hands on her hips, obviously expecting an answer. Josh fidgeted under her menacing glare, his hand clutching his new bruise.

"You know I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you…"

"Oh bull! If you really loved me you wouldn't have cheated on me in the first place! And I will not marry someone who does not care enough about me to keep his pants up!" Val shouted before turning back down the aisle and fleeing before anyone could catch her.


	2. Chapter 2

What I Once Was

Chapter 2: In Which Kurama is isolated in the human world and Val is stumped…

Kurama slammed his suitcase shut and glanced around his small apartment once more. His mother's old curios still decorated the mantle and side tables, her lace curtains shielding the windows, and her apron still spread over the sofa where she had left it the day she died. He lowered his head in remembrance before exiting the building, closing the door behind him with a sigh. As he walked down the crowded Chicago streets, people bustled by, regardless of the man they brushed past and the dark pain he held in his heart.

His eyes took in the dingy sidewalks and littered gutters, causing his longing for his beautiful Japanese home to intensify. But he couldn't go back. Japan held all the memories of his mother and he couldn't live with that constant reminder of his weakness. He searched the street signs for his street, Fox Lane. It was almost ironic…considering he was a fox demon. Finally he spotted the small green sign and made his way towards his building, an old one, made of brick and mortar with dark windows and a steep, shingled roof. He took out the key the landlord had mailed to him and opened the front door, locking it behind him.

His letter said his room was on the top floor, typically the penthouse, but he doubted such a thing existed in this building. He began to climb the carpeted stairs slowly, listening as each step creaked when he put his foot on it. Weak light filtered in through the dirty windows and gave the atmosphere a lonely feeling. Fitting, Kurama thought, considering he had never felt so lonely. He passed the first landing and made his way to the second, noting more dust and dirt. Second landing, third landing…finally he made it to the fourth and final landing. He made his way down the hallway, glancing at the various door numbers. He finally made it to his door when his sensitive hearing picked up a sound. He turned his head slightly, trying to discern what it was. It sounded like a woman was…sobbing? He looked down the hall to where a door stood ajar. He walked slowly to the open door and put his ear next to it. The sobbing grew louder. He pulled the door open a bit wider and peeked in, not quite believing what he was seeing. A woman was curled up in a corner, surrounded by a cloud of white fabric, her eyes crying black tears and her brown hair curling gently around her bare shoulders.

Kurama's eyes widened. He had never seen such a beautiful vision, or a sadder one. He stepped in the room, not realizing he had opened the door any wider, and stepped on another squeaky floorboard. The noise startled the woman and she flew up, her hand over her heart in fear.

"Who are you?" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Whoa, calm down! I heard somebody crying and I thought I would check it out."

"Why don't you just mind your own business?"

Kurama reeled back in shock at her rudeness. "I'm sorry…I was just concerned…"

"Well there is nothing to be concerned about, I am perfectly fine." The woman exclaimed pushing Kurama through the door and slamming it behind him. He heard the lock turn roughly and a muffled sob escaped through the crack beneath the door.

He shook his head and went back to his room, unlocking the door and closing it behind him softly.

Meanwhile in Val's apartment…

Val slumped against her door, the tears drying on her face, her feeling of dreadful loss replaced with one of annoyance. "Who does he think he is? Barging into a stranger's house like that without knocking…" Val vented. "I should've slapped him." She wiped her cheeks and her hands came away black with mascara and eyeliner. She knew she shouldn't have let Melissa and Beth do her make-up. And to think she had run all the home like that. People must've thought she was crazy. She made her way to her bathroom and glanced at herself in the mirror, gasping at the horrific image that met her eyes.

Her hair was down from where she had ripped the veil from it and now curled wildly out of control. Her cheeks were covered with black make-up and her eyes were red from crying. She looked possessed, no wonder it had been so easy to scare that man away. She removed her wedding dress and hung it back up on the same rack she had taken it off of that morning and replaced it with her most comfortable flannel pajamas. She washed the make-up from her face and ran a brush through her hair before throwing it up in a bun.

"Who was that man, anyway?" Val asked herself, taking out a pint of ice-cream and cracking it open. "I've never seen him before…And…what's the deal with his hair? What man grows hair that long these days? And…it was soooo red!" Val slumped on her couch, still contemplating who the man could've been, not knowing that next door the man was contemplating the very same thing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: In Which Kurama finds a job and Val is infuriated…

Val drug her feet as she entered St. Augustine General Hospital, her hair in a messy ponytail and her scrubs wrinkled. She touched her I.D. to the computer scanner and clocked in before taking the charts left on the counter for her. As an R.N. she was required to visit each of the patients at least three times a night. She yawned widely before opening the door to her first patient, plastering a fake smile on her unwilling face.

"Good evening Mrs. Gardner, how are you feeling?" Val asked cheerfully, checking the old woman's vital signs and food consumption.

"I'm ready to die Nurse! I can see the light!" the old woman gasped, her thin white hands grasping at the air melodramatically. Val rolled her eyes internally.

"Well Mrs. Gardner, I don't see how you're going to die with this strong heartbeat of yours. Remember, you're here to have your tonsils removed. It's nothing serious." Val closed the door behind her with a sign ignoring the woman's further confirmations of death drawing near. "If only…" Val muttered.

She continued her rounds, checking each patient's vitals, adjusting medication in some cases. Finally she was able to head into the office to do paperwork which meant sitting down in a comfy chair, filling out a form or two, and surfing the web for an hour before starting her next rounds. She completed the only form on file for the night and booted up the office computer, waiting as it hummed to life. She logged into her e-mail account and sorted through the spam discovering one sent to her from Josh a week ago after the disastrous wedding. Val rolled her eyes as she deleted it, rubbing her forehead to ease the tension she could feel building there.

She had called the hospital telling them she'd be back a week earlier than expected due to the cancellation of the wedding. The doctor on call had told her to take as much time as she needed off but Val had declined it, thinking that coming back to work and getting back into the old routine would help. But she was fast discovering that was not the case.

Meanwhile with Kurama…

Kurama looked up from the map he had purchased with his quickly depleting savings at the hospital that was advertising an open position in the newspaper for a janitor. He sighed in relief seeing that he had made it without getting lost. The doors opened automatically and he made his way down the hall, searching for the head janitor's office. He finally found it at the end of a dark hall, surrounded by closets. He entered the office, noting it wasn't much bigger than a closet itself. An old man sat at a desk, typing on a keyboard. He shifted his eyes to Kurama briefly before turning back to his work.

"Be with you in a minute, son." He said off-handedly. Kurama sat in the chair across from the man and watched him as he worked. His fingers moved swiftly across the keyboard and knowledgably, impressing Kurama. He had assumed janitors would not be skilled at typing. He ended whatever he was typing with a flourish and turned his attention to me. "Now, how can I help you?"

"I saw an ad in the paper for a janitor position open here and I wanted to apply." Before Kurama had finished talking the old man had turned to a shelf behind him and picked up a folded cloth. He turned back around and handed it to Kurama.

"You're hired."

"That fast? Don't you have to do a background check or something?"

The man chuckled. "In this business we can't be picky. You ever hear of a child wanting to be a janitor when they grow up? Didn't think so…You'll be on floor duty, which means mopping, sweeping, and waxing, preferably not in that order. That's your uniform, wear it at all times…" The man opened a drawer and pulled out a small, plastic card. "This is your I.D. You'll need it to clock in. That about covers it. Don't communicate with the patients or nurses and you'll be ok!"

Kurama thanked the man profusely before exiting the office, garbed in his work wear and armed with a broom. He started at the end of the hall and began to sweep, not believing how lucky he was.

Meanwhile in the nurse's office…

Val turned off the computer as the time for her rounds once again arrived. She picked up the previously discarded charts and left the office, leaving it unlocked for the next nurse. She was just finishing up her first visit when she saw him. The man who broke into her apartment! Well, not exactly broke in but…Val ducked behind a gurney, watching as he swept the floor swiftly, admiring the way his body moved gracefully and his hands gripped the broom handle gently yet firmly…

"Whoa!" Val whispered angrily. "You don't even know him! You were going to get married last week; you cannot be having these thoughts right now!" Val shook her head as she emerged from her hiding place, continuing her rounds, trying to ignore the man with the broom. Her eyes flitted to him frequently however and she could not ignore him as she planned. Every now and then his green eyes would catch her hazel ones and something would pass between them. Val couldn't shake the weird feeling, the almost, camaraderie she had with him. She could see that he had a lot of pain in his eyes…and it matched hers exactly. She wondered what had happened to him, he was obviously foreign. His nametag read, "Kurama." She rolled his name around in her head, loving how familiar it felt to her.

She finished her last round and closed the door softly behind her, sighing in relief.

"Hard day?" a smooth voice asked. Val turned to see Kurama leaning against his broom, a soft smile adorning his face. Val felt her heartbeat accelerate and her cheeks heat up.

"Kind of, nursing can take a lot out of a person." She replied, crossing her arms and leaning against the wall. "How about you?"

'Nah, I enjoy what I'm doing…" Kurama smiled.

Val smiled back. "Hey, um…I'm sorry about last week. I wasn't exactly at my best."

"It's alright, don't worry about it. So, what's your name?"

"Oh, you don't know it…that's right, um…my name is Valentine, Valentine Lykins."

"Valentine, that's an unusual name. Pretty though, my name is Kurama Minamino."

"Hmm, talk about unusual names…" Val laughed, Kurama joined her. They trailed off…gazing at each other. "I feel like I know you…" Val whispered.

"What?" Kurama asked.

Val blushed, realizing she had just spoken her thoughts aloud. "Oh, umm…I was just saying, I feel like I…um…know you…Have we met by any chance?"

"Unless you've been to Tokyo I doubt it."

"Oh well then, I've never been out of Chicago," Val laughed. "My family wasn't really into vacations and…" her sentence was cut off by Kurama's lips connecting with her own and she dropped the charts she had been carrying, wrapping her arms around his strong neck. He pulled her into a nearby closet and closed the door soundly before allowing his hands to roam her body freely, his lips caressing hers passionately. She ran her hands through his soft red hair, relishing the feel of it between her fingers. She felt him tugging on her shirt and she raised her arms, allowing him to pull it off. Their lips separated and their eyes connected again. She felt his fingers tracing patterns on her skin and she shivered. She crushed her lips against his again, releasing the buttons on his uniform and pushing it down, revealing his strong, muscled stomach. She ran her hands over his abs, the skin silky and smooth beneath her fingertips. She felt his hands working with the drawstring on her pants when the door flew open, throwing light over the couple.

"This isn't the bathroom!" a familiar voice echoed. Val grabbed her shirt off the floor quickly and held it against her chest, her face burning with shame. "Nurse is that you?"

"Yes, Mrs. Gardner, go back to your room, I'll be with you in a minute!" The door closed slowly, leaving Val and Kurama in the dark. "I'm so sorry, this…this wasn't right. I'm not usually so forward."

"No it was my fault. I'm so sorry Valentine." She heard him replace his clothing and watched as exited the closet, leaving her alone in the darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

What I Once Was

Chapter 4: In Which Kurama finds his soul and Val begins to heal…

As the weeks passed, Kurama and Val became closer and closer, learning all about each other's pasts and interests. As they delved deeper into each other's lives, they found their feelings for each other begin to grow and intensify. Val did not believe she could ever feel this way about another man and yet she could not deny the feelings that were stirring for Kurama. Likewise, Kurama began to feel a new hope, something he had not felt since his mother became ill, a hope that he could love someone again.

They sat in Val's living room one evening, the TV flickering silently, unwatched, as Val and Kurama chatted away, oblivious to the world around them. They were both leaning forward, apparently so engrossed in each other that they didn't notice their proximity.

"I did!" Val laughed. "I was the lead in my 3rd grade Rapunzel play and I fell out of the tower. Broke my arm in two places." She proclaimed proudly, holding up her forearm to show him. His green eyes drifted down to the pale, moon-shaped scar, good naturedly and he studied it. His hand drifted up to stroke the mark and caused a shiver to run through Val's spine. His fingers were light against her skin and smooth, just as she remembered. Her hazel eyes caught his green ones and they held, it was as if their very souls very converging. Their faces drifted closer and they eyes flitted shut just as their lips touched. Kurama moved his lips slowly over Val's, deeply, filling her with joy to her very core. Her hands moved up to tangle in his red hair and she pulled his face closer to his, drinking in his essence. Kurama hands stroked her back soothingly, parting her lips with his tongue deepening the kiss.

Val could not tell when she had been lowered onto her back but she didn't mind, she loved the way his body covered hers, his warm skin surrounding her own. Once again she felt his hands raising her shirt and his fingertips traced over her sides and stomach, leaving her skin tingling in their wake. Val shuddered as his hands dropped to her waist, his fingers, fiddling with the button on her jeans. She felt it unlatch and then the sound of her zipper echoed through the sound of the television. Kurama's lips separated from hers and she opened her eyes to look at him. He stared down at her meaningfully.

"Do you want to do this?" Kurama whispered. His fingers traced her lips as she considered him thoughtfully. He would be the first man since Josh had broken her heart. Was she ready? She considered his question as she surveyed his face. His eyes, so kind, always drew her attention, even that first day she had met him; she had noticed how kind his eyes were. The pain that was there before had gone away…and she liked to think that was because of her. Val lifted her hand to stroke his cheek and smiled.

"Yes…I'm ready." Kurama smiled back at her and stood up, placing his arms beneath her back and knees and picking her up, wedding style. Val sighed in contentment as he carried her through the dark hallway and laid her on her old, double bed. She watched as he lifted his shirt over his head, revealing his perfectly muscled, smooth torso, his skin radiant in the faint light from the living room television. He reached for the buckle on his pants and quickly unfastened it, dropping them to the floor. He then reached for Val and pulled her towards him, positioning her into a kneeling position on the bed. His large hands gripped Val's shirt and tugged it over her head as well. Their skin brushed intimately and Val groaned as Kurama's lips caressed her collarbone. His hands then moved down to her pants and pulled them down, cupping her thighs in his hands and pulling her tightly against him. Their breaths sped up rapidly as their bodies brushed. Kurama laid her down and positioned himself over her, removing her underwear and his, allowing their sexes to brush. Kurama's hands moved to cup her breasts and Val's hands stroked Kurama's perfectly arched back, her finger clutching at his satin skin. They joined, their heartbeats beating in perfect union. Kurama's mouth covered hers as she cried out in ecstasy, following shortly behind.

They lay in the dark, their breaths quieting and their heart rates returning to normal. Kurama stroked Val's cheek lovingly. Her own arm lay across Kurama's chest, gripping him to her, unwilling to let him go.

"You know…" he whispered, turning her face up to meet his eyes. "I've heard dessert is great after this…shall I get us some?"

"No, don't get up…this is too perfect." Val whispered back.

Kurama laughed and sat up. "I don't have to leave…I can grow us some fruit right here!" Val sat up beside him and eyed him questioningly.

"Uh huh…and I can lasso the moon…"

"Don't believe me huh? Watch this…" Kurama lifted his hands and concentrated on his palms. Val stared at him incredulously as a vine began to crawl from his skin and produce perfectly round, plump grapes.

"How did you do that?" she exclaimed.

"I'm a fox demon, Val. I have special powers." Kurama replied.

"Are there a lot of these fox demons? Or are you the only one?"

Kurama chuckled. "I'm not really sure. My demon name is Youko…and this is my demon form." A strange light engulfed Kurama and left him with long, flowing, silvery hair and his eyes shifted from green to gold. Val jumped back, not believing what she had just witnessed. Kurama, or Youko, grasped her arm, preventing her from fleeing. "It's alright, it's still me…This is the real me." His eyes turned from amused to hurt. "I thought you would understand…I apologize." His hand loosened on her arm and Val felt her hands reaching out to him before her head realized what she was doing.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Please don't leave…I do…I do understand really. I'm just…This is all so sudden, you know? Please stay with me…I want to try those grapes…" she grinned mischievously at the fox demon, plucking a grape from the vine he had discarded on the coverlets. They spent the rest of the night wrapped in each other's embrace, engaging in one passionate session after the next, alternating from Kurama to Youko. Val couldn't remember a time when she was happier…


	5. Chapter 5

What I Once Was

Chapter 5: In Which Kurama has second thoughts and Val meets an old flame…

Kurama woke up the next morning slowly. His eyelids fluttered open as he tried to remember where he was. He felt skin brush against his and he jumped. Val sighed as she turned over, her face to his. She was still, relaxed, and deeply asleep. She looked so happy. Kurama placed his head in his hands. How could he leave her such hope? Sure, he himself had felt as if he could truly be so happy again. But in the light of day things were not so black and white. What if he lost her as well? He already knew he couldn't help anybody. As a man he would have to protect her…and he couldn't do that.

Kurama pulled the cover from him softly, careful not to disturb Val. He found his clothes strewn about the floor and replaced them with the swiftness he reserved for fighting, sneaking out in record time. He let himself into his own apartment and locked the door behind him, leaning against the door in shame.

Those few weeks had been amazing. Kurama thought he could forget about his horrid past. But his dream last night had brought reality crashing back down.

Kurama's Dream*

**His mother lay in a pool of blood. It was everywhere, flowing from her nose, her mouth, and her ears. It was then that Kurama walked in, his face stricken in horror. He rushed to her side and pulled her head into his lap, imploring her to open her eyes.**

"**Mother!" he cried in panic. "Mother please, wake up! Open your eyes!" Kurama pulled energy from the Spirit World, willing it into her body. He felt himself transform into Youko as his powers rose with his effort. Yet no matter how much energy he pulled she would not open her eyes. If he had come home sooner, perhaps he could have saved her…If…**

End of Dream*

Kurama did not cry. He had not cried since he had moved to America. And he swore to never cry again. No matter what.

Meanwhile in Val's apartment…

Val opened her eyes slowly, smiling. "Last night was incredible!" she sighed as she stretched, turning her eyes to the other side of the bed. Where the incredibly sexy Kurama should have been there was only a rumpled sheet. Val sat up, wrapping the sheet around her body and throwing her legs over the bed. "Kurama?" she called, standing up. She made a thorough search of the apartment with no luck. 'Why did he leave?' she thought. 'Maybe he had to work early.' Val spent the morning contemplating his absence as she showered, made breakfast, and prepared for work.

By the time she made it to the hospital she had come to two conclusions. Either he had a valid excuse and she would forgive his leaving, or he had left early on purpose, in which case, violent action would be taken. He at least could have left a note, she thought crossly as the sliding doors opened.

"Val!" a male voice exclaimed happily. Val looked up, expecting Kurama. Instead of the red-haired god she saw a man with cropped brown hair and a slight tan. He was tall…and the very last person Val wanted to see at the moment. Or ever, in fact.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered menacingly.

"I wanted to talk to you," Josh said. "You wouldn't answer any of my e-mails or phone calls. This was the only way to get you to listen to me."

"You think, after what you put me through, that I would WANT to talk to you? You've got a lot of nerve coming to my place of work like this!" Val's voice began to rise.

"I'm sorry Val. I made a stupid mistake! I was drunk and about to get married!"

"You're not helping your argument."

"No, see Val, I wasn't ready to get married then. But I am now. I know that I can't live without you. Marry me Val. This time you won't regret it."

Val stared at him, shell-shocked. "You have…got…to be…kidding…me."

Josh looked down on her patiently, smiling in that smug way Val might have once found endearing but now only considered revolting. She was just about to say something when the door opened behind her and she turned to see Kurama enter the building. He glanced at her before quickly looking down and swiping his card to enter the halls.

"Kurama!" Val called, confused. She swiped her card rapidly and caught up with him before he could retreat further down the hall, ignoring Josh's shouts of protest. Luckily the gate would stop him. "Hey! Wait a minute! What's wrong?" she asked, jumping in front of him and holding her hands up to halt him.

Kurama sighed, his shoulders slumping visibly. "Val, please. Don't make this more difficult than it already is."

"What are you talking about? What did I do?"

"It's not you Val, it's me. I'm not good for you."

"Kurama, what do you mean? Is this about last night? Did I do something wrong?"

"Val…no, please…"

"But Kurama, I love you…" Val declared her eyes misty.

Kurama looked at her, his eyes hardened. Val realized the pain she had thought had left him was there once more. Along with a stronger emotion. A darker one. Was it hate? For her?

"I don't love you Val. I will never love you." He walked away from her, disappearing down the hall. Val felt her knees go weak. Tears trailed down her cheeks as she stared at the tiles dumb struck. What was last night? Was she just a one-night stand to him? What about the past three weeks? Did they mean nothing? Val walked down the hall, back to hospital entrance. Josh still stood behind the gate, looking a little disgruntled.

"So, did you change your mind?" he asked sarcastically, raising his eyebrow. Val considered him with hollow eyes.

"Yes. I will marry you." As Josh smiled and held her over the gate Val let her mind float out of her body, numbing herself to the pain. Not wanting to ever feel this way again.


	6. Chapter 6

What I Once Was

Chapter 6: In Which Kurama confesses and Val's mood improves greatly…

Kurama sat in his dark apartment, his hands clasped over his knees and his head bent down. Rain splattered against his windows as thunder and lightning seemed to fight for precedence in the black clouds that engulfed the sky. The weather was perfectly fitting for Kurama's mood. A newspaper lay open beside him, turned to the obituaries and wedding announcements. Funny how they could be found in the same section. One face in particular stood out on the gray and black page. She had curly hair, dark, and sad eyes. One would think that on her wedding day she would be happy. But he knew she wasn't.

He listened as voices burst from the apartment next door, faking happy laughs and exclamations. It was Val…preparing for her wedding with her friends. The same as every day since that terrible day two weeks ago. Kurama hated himself for the pain he had inflicted upon her. Even as he was saying those things he knew they weren't true. He loved her more than anything in the world…He knew those words would cut her to the core. But he had to do it. Maybe now she could be with a man who would be able to protect her and care for her. Unlike him. A tuxedo sat rumpled in the chair next to him along with a top hat and shades. He had every intention of going to her wedding. Just as long as he went unnoticed everything would be okay.

Meanwhile in Val's apartment…

Val sat still in front o her vanity as Melissa curled her hair and pinned it up, framing her face with a few choice curls. Beth applied her make-up carefully, exchanging glances with Melissa. Their attempts at lightness had died down with Val's silence. Melissa cleared her throat and laid down the curler carefully. "Val," she began. "Are you sure you want to do this? What changed your mind about Josh?"

"I love him." Was all Val would volunteer. Of course she didn't mention who "him" was. They would not understand. They hadn't met Kurama. They knew nothing of the previous month's events.

"Shouldn't you be happy then?" Beth asked knowingly.

Val looked up at her with hauntingly sad eyes. "I am happy." She sighed. Val stood up and went to put on her dress. It was the same one from two months ago. From her almost wedding. "It's time to go."

At the church…

Val glanced in the mirror one more time before picking up her bouquet and turning to her bridesmaids. They looked at her in worry but said nothing. There was nothing they could say. The music started up in the auditorium, a foreboding sound to Val's ears, and the doors opened. Melissa and Beth started through, leaving Val in the back room alone. She watched as they made their way up the long aisle, waiting until they reached the first pew to begin. She took her first step, her foot feeling heavy as lead. The wedding march started and the guests stood, turning to look at her. She walked slowly, reluctantly to the knowing eye. Her features exuded dread. Finally she made it to the front of the church and turned to meet Josh. He smiled superficially, making a show of his love. Val grimaced as she stared at him and turned her eyes to the guests, eager to look anywhere but at her future husband.

Her hazel eyes met strikingly green eyes, forcing them to widen. There he was. Kurama sat in the last pew, his red hair covered by a top hat. He stared back at her mournfully. Tears immediately sprang to her eyes. What was he doing there? Her body moved, turning to face the audience and she took a step forward.

"Val?" Josh asked, grabbing her arm. "Sweetie, we're in the middle of something here."

Val glanced back at him and glared. She forced her arm out of his grip and made her way quickly down the aisle to where Kurama sat. He jumped up as she came to stand in front of him, her eyes furious. "What right do you have being here? After what you said to me! You are almost as bad as him!" she exclaimed, pointing back to Josh who still stood shocked at the front of the auditorium.

"Val," Kurama began but Val cut him off.

"No, I don't want any excuses. I want the TRUTH. Why did you tell me you don't love me and then show up here? What are you hiding? I need ANSWERS Kurama!"

"Valentine Rose." Josh said in a threatening voice. He came up behind her and whirled her around violently. "Get back to the podium. Now."

"No Josh. I don't want to marry you. I never did." She said angrily, turning back to Kurama. Josh grabbed her hand and pulled her behind me to the front of the church, ignoring her cries of pain. A vine wrapped around his throat and pulled him to the ground, the thorns puncturing his skin enough to draw blood.

"Let her go." Kurama said his voice dangerously low. Josh released Val's hand and held his own up, his eyes wide in fear. "Now, run away. I never want to see you around her again. And if I do…" the vine tightened, cutting off Josh's air supply before releasing him. Josh stood up quickly and raced out of the church, followed by most of the other guests. Kurama wrapped his arm around Val. "Let's go somewhere more quiet." He whispered in her ear. He changed forms effortlessly and hoisted Val onto his back, racing out the doors at lightning speed. Val held her face against his back to avoid the sting of the rain but mostly just to revel in his nearness.

He ran to a secluded park and set her down in a gazebo, shaking off water droplets in an adorably animalistic way. He then changed his forms back to human and stood, staring at the pouring rain. "I never wanted to hurt you." He said finally.

"Then why did you say you didn't love me?"

Kurama ran his hand through his hair in agitation. "Val…" he turned to face her, tears running down his face. Val ran to him and placed her hands on his cheeks.

"What's wrong Kurama?"

Sobs shook Kurama's shoulders and Val wrapped her arms around his waist, allowing him to cry away his pain. She could tell he just needed someone to hold him. And she was willing to fall on that grenade. As his sobs began to diminish Val pulled away and dried his tears, her hands gently on his face. "You can tell me anything."

"My mother died about three months ago. Of cancer."

"Oh, Kurama…I'm so sorry for your loss…" Val began. "But…I don't understand why that means we can't be together."

"Don't you see Val? I couldn't save her. I have all this power but I could do nothing to take away the cancer. What if that happens with you? What if you get hurt and I can do nothing to help?"

"Cancer is a serious disease, Kurama. What could you do? Even though you're a demon you can only do so much. Don't punish yourself for something you couldn't help. It wasn't your fault she died." Val forced him to look at her. "You saved my life today. You SAVED me Kurama."

Kurama looked at her, his eyes wide. "I hadn't realized that."

"Well, you did. If you hadn't of been there I would have made the worst mistake of my life by marrying Josh." Val grasped his hand with hers and brought to her lips. "I love you Kurama. Do you love me?"

"Yes Val. I do love you."

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes."

"Then there is no problem. Because I want to be with you and nothing you can say will get rid of me now. Not after that confession." Kurama smiled and kissed Val's forehead.

"You're right. How could I argue with such a statement?" He brought his lips down to hers and kissed her passionately, leaving her breathless.

"I'm usually very persuasive." She laughed once she had caught her breath. "Like…how about you and I, head back to my place…and eat some grapes?" she said seductively.

"Hmm…I believe that sounds…wonderful…" Kurama replied, wrapping his arms around her waist. They smiled at each other, oblivious to the fact that the rain had stopped and a rainbow stretched across the sky, almost as if the Heavens themselves were smiling down at the happy couple. And perhaps, she was.


End file.
